Think finding the perfect partner is hard? Try finding the perfect hairdresser
Searching for a loving soulmate or long-lasting stylist? Both need to be a cut above the rest, says Jessica Taylor Yates
A few years ago, I lost my hairdresser – and yes, thank you for your thoughts and prayers.
No, she didn’t die – but she did move far away, and then started getting semi-famous clients – so understandably, she didn’t really have time for a yarn-over-foils-for-$50 anymore.
Of course, this was great for her career, and I was happy for her (kind of). But this was a split worse than my ends – because it meant delving in to the abyss of Stylist Soulmate Searching once again.
Finding the perfect hairdresser is like finding the perfect partner. And just like coming out of a relationship, looking for a new hairdresser isn’t easy.
As anyone who has found their perfect style soulmate knows, you don’t just gel with any old hairdresser. No, over time, you’ve built rapport - they know if you have oily roots and dry ends, that you only like your part from the centre and never the left side, that you take your tea with oak milk and one sugar, and of course, they would never let you repeat those red highlights you got in 2004 (no matter how much you beg). You’ve found your style soulmate, and you would follow wherever they go.
But now, without them, you’re in more stress than when you had to choose between getting frontal or curtain bangs. Just the thought of finding someone new is more exhausting than sitting under a salon hooded dryer for an hour without a smartphone or magazine in sight.
Now, you’re back on the market, looking for the perfect pairing. It’s like going on dates and you have to share everything about yourself all over again in the hope of finding The One. Your hair is actually naturally frizzy, not sleekly straight; you sleep with it in rollers, you sometimes go days without washing and those highlights are to cover greys, not to look sun kissed. Now you must share all that, all over again, with multiple strangers until you find the right fit.
Making The Cut
No break-ups are great, and someone always invariably gets hurt, no matter the root cause. Perhaps it was you who suffered the snip – you were too high-maintenance, or you just didn’t gel. There were too many knots getting in the way, or your self-care routines weren’t a match.
Or maybe you were the one forced to make the cut. Over time, your goals no longer aligned. You were moving on, while they were stuck in the past. Maybe you no longer agreed on personal grooming views. Or hey – perhaps they just never found their way around a good bang. Either way, nobody likes a split end.
Combing Through The Options
So inevitably, you have to start putting the feelers out. You comb through for recommendations from anyone and everyone, from Dan in Finance to @sexxiired96 on Instagram. You ask friends and relatives, go on social media and online searches – all in pursuit for the elusive perfect pairing.
But of course, there are deal breakers. Would you travel across town for them? Do your personalities gel? Are you on the same page financially? Do they make you feel attractive? Does how often you both need to see each other work for your schedules? And the big question: Are they as good as, or even better than, the one before?
“I’m Looking To Try Something New!”
Anyone who says they don’t Google or social media stalk the heck out of someone before they meet is a liar (like me lying to my [now] husband when we were dating). For any potential interaction with someone new, you’re looking them up. You need some receipts – because no stranger is not worth dye-ing for.
You track them online ahead of your initial meet and greet, and so far, so good.
Solid online presence, tick.
Lots of photos that look amazing, tick.
A variety of real people giving positive commentary, tick.
They may even come with a recommendation from a friend of a friend that calms your nerves, tick.
Okay, you think. I’m ready.
A Hair-Raising Experience
You arrive, and while you’re a bit nervous initially, you head in for your first encounter.
You describe where you’ve come from, and why you are back on the hunt for someone new. You tell them exactly what you are looking for, and what’s made you happy in the past.
They tell you they’re with you 100%, they get you, they know you, and that with them, you’ll become a new partnership destined to last forever. You can trust them.
So, you let your guard down a little. Perhaps someone new is okay after all! Maybe this will be even better than the last one! They truly listened, they get me, they know what I want and they’re on this journey with me!
But then.
But THEN.
Cut And Run
They are rougher than they should be, you’re silently questioning everything they’re doing to you because it doesn’t seem right, and their personality suddenly sucks. This outing is a disaster.
And then, it happens in the snip of a hair.
Suddenly, you see that everything you were sold on social media was a lie, because in the light, nothing is what it is supposed to be. The pictures they had must have been altered, stolen, filtered, or are from years ago, because what you are seeing now looks nothing like what you saw in pictures.
Naturally, you have no idea how to get out of this predicament, so you go to pay what you owe (where everything costs more than you planned for), give a tight-lipped smile and nod when they ask if they will see you again. But inside, you are screaming. You call your best friend in tears.
How is this happening?! Why did you trust someone else? You hate everything about this. You miss your old perfect partner who knew everything about you. Everything is awful, and you need to get out of here!
Brushing Up On The Details
After your devastating return to the scene was worse than the time you thought cutting your own bangs would be a good idea, you even consider drunk-dialling your old flame in a state of panic, feeling that there is no-one else that will get you like they do. They’ll take you back, right?!
But after coming to your senses and remembering they’re no longer yours, now, you’re simply now more cautious.
You no longer believe the social media followings, or the pictures they put on their own account. You will not be scammed. You now want raw. You want real, first-person accounts and reviews. You want to delve deep, like onto Google page two.
From now on, you want to know how much this will cost upfront, and how long you’ll be there. You might even schedule a casual meet and greet to get a sense of their personality, their abode and vibe, to see if it’s worth locking in an official get together down the track.
You even start to consider getting the Karen, because just like the cut, you are now sharp, and you are not afraid of talking to the manager if kinks arise.
A Cut Above The Rest
There are a few flings along the way. Some you meet just once, others a handful of times. There's even one you stick with for a while, convincing yourself they could be The One, until one too many slip-ups sends you back out on the hunt. Or maybe they claim they don't have time for you—only to see them on social media, very much having time for everyone else.
It feels like so many false starts that you’re over it. Maybe you don’t even need them anymore. You’ll just be one of those people that goes rogue and does everything DIY, alone.
But just when you’re about to give up hope for good… it happens.
A Smooth Finish
Maybe it’s a new recommendation. Perhaps a new person comes into town, or you have a chance encounter. However it happens, it doesn’t matter.
You approach your first meet up with bated breath, feeling that with a track record with more bright red on it than your Henna-covered hands in Year 9, it could end in tears yet again.
But you were wrong.
They’re here! They hear you. They get you. Your personalities gel, your price points align, they understand and anticipate your needs and help you achieve your shared goals, helping you feel amazing after every encounter.
It’s happened! You’ve finally found your perfect partner!
…Eeexcept the next time they’re available is January 2032.
Sooo true!!!! I feel for you. Also love, while combing through your article that you continued to mix into the dye that ongoing metaphor!!!! Loved it!🤭👌👌